President Obama cut $50 billion economic stimulus

“This morning, Barack Obama entered the Oval Office for the first time as president and he spent ten minutes alone. Yep. Shows you how things have changed. When President Bush spent ten minutes alone in the Oval Office, it was called a time-out.” –Conan O’Brien

“President Obama has asked the Senate to cut $50 billion from the economic stimulus plan. Yeah, Obama says the government will no longer need the $50 billion once everyone in his Cabinet pays their back taxes.” –Conan O’Brien

“President Obama still has not gotten used to the White House, apparently. This is true. Today, on his way into the Oval Office, he tried to mistakenly open a window that he thought was a door. That’s true. Yeah. White House employees said at first it made them laugh, then a wave of nostalgia washed over them.” –Conan O’Brien

Barack Obama is an old Kenyan word for Jimmy Carter

President Obama promised his wife he would take her to a Broadway Show and he did just that. Well, now you know what ya gotta do to get Barack to live up to a promise. Barack was reportedly amazed by the ahk-tors on stage. He turned to Michelle and said, "They said their lines on stage for THREE HOURS and not ONE teleprompter. WOW!" Meanwhile the two kids, Sasha and Malia, stayed home and watched HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL 3, with Joe Biden. Which is NOT to be confused with PUBLIC HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL 3, which is rated R due to sex and violence.

Tip o'the hat to RadioFree Rocky D




President Obama called the Space Shuttle and the astronauts told him they had a bit of trouble getting the Hubble Telescope to cooperate. To which Obama replied, "Well, did you try taxing it, printing your own money and threatening it with the media?" More problems; the Space Shuttle call is NOT on Obama’s calling plan and it’s going to cost the taxpayers $1 trillion. Then Obama appointed Republican Governor of Utah John Huntsman ambassador to China. It’s all part of Obama’s plan to get ALL the republicans out of the country by the end of next year.



Tip o'the hat to RadioFree Rocky D

Barack Obama is an old Kenyan word for Jimmy Carter.

Tip o'the hat to Tyler




Obama doesn't want terrorists tortured. He wants to torture American taxpayers instead.

Tip o'the hat to Kenneth




Why doesn't Obama pray?

It's impossible to read the teleprompter with your eyes closed.

Tip o'the hat to Scott




New Barack Channel (NBC)

Another Barack Channel (ABC)

My Seriously New Barack Channel (MSNBC)




What do you call the US after four years of Obama and the Liberal ccongress?

An Obama nation.

Tip o'the hat to Michael




Q. What will the difference be between President Obama and Karl Marx?

A. Karl Marx had way more experience.

Tip o'the hat to Michael

Jokes after Obama Being Elected President

“See, I got to admit, as a comedian, I’m gonna miss President Bush. Because Barack Obama is not easy to do jokes about. He doesn’t give you a lot to go on. See, this is why God gave us Joe Biden.” ~Jay Leno

“Earlier this evening, Barack Obama’s 30-minute infomercial appeared on three of the major networks. … Now, if you didn’t see it, one part was a little odd. At the end, Barack said, ‘If you vote now, we’ll throw in a set of steak knives and a can of Oxiclean.’” ~Jay Leno

“But I thought it was one of those heartwarming infomercials. It had a wonderful ending. In the final scene Barack Obama is adopted by Angelina Jolie.” ~Dave Letterman

“But all this doesn’t matter because Obama keeps pulling away in the polls. Every week, he gets a little more ahead. And with almost all groups. Liberals, of course, always supported him. … And conservatives like the idea of paying a black man to clean up their mess.” ~Bill Maher

Obama on John McCain’s energy plan

“That’s what he talked about yesterday, ‘I want to drill here. I want to drill now.’ I don’t know where he was standing. I think he was in a building somewhere.” ~Obama on John McCain’s energy plan.

“I would have to…investigate more of Bill’s dancing abilities, you know, and some of this other stuff before I accurately judge whether he was in fact a brother.” ~Obama on whether Bill Clinton was our first black president.

“I don’t want to be invited to the family hunting party.” ~Obama responding to revelations that he and Dick Cheney are eighth cousins.

“But I have to say tonight’s venue isn’t really what I’m used to. I was originally told we’d be able to move this outdoors to Yankee Stadium, and can somebody tell me what happened to the Greek columns that I requested?” ~Obama at the Al Smith Dinner.

Barack Obama With Hillary Clinton in Heaven

McCain, Hillary Clinton, and Barack Obama all die and go to heaven. God looks down from his throne and asks McCain, “Do you think you deserve to be in heaven?”

McCain takes a breath and then replies, “Well, I think so because I was a great leader and tried to follow the words in your great book.” God looks down and then says, “You can sit to my left side.”

So, McCain takes his seat and then God asks the same question to Hillary, “Do you think you deserve to be in heaven?” Hillary thinks for a second and then replies, “I think so because I have been fighting for the rights of so many people for so long.” God again looks down and this time says, “You can sit to my right side.”

Finally God turns to Barack Obama and asks, “Do you think you deserve to be in heaven?”
Obama smiled and replied, “I think you’re in my seat.”